Seizures Suffered by Twilight Fans Were Actually Orgasms!
(well doh! We've known this the whole time)
...And we are going to HELL!
From source:
Breaking Dawn, the latest installment in the Twilight vampire saga, is reportedly causing alarming blackouts and seizures in movie-going fans. Doctors first attributed the reaction to the flashing white lights pulsing throughout the birth scene, where Bella gives life to Edward’s undead baby. However clearer heads prevailed when Christian leaders in the community explained that the quivering, unconscious teens were clearly victims of melodrama induced orgasms.
Epilepsy Has Never Been So Sexy
“I have never had an actual orgasm before,” confides Patricia Harris of Eternal Flame Ministries in Forks, WA. “But I know that they only happen when you are engaging in sinful, forbidden activities. Those kids let the devil in when they joined Team Edward.”
....Harris explains that the heartstrings of young female fans are often tethered directly to the clitoris, which she believes is near the small intestine (WTF?!?!?!). “When Edward has to bite through his daughter’s umbilical cord, only to have Bella die as werewolves attack the house, it is the undeniable climax of the movie. Fans respond to that with their own climax. It spoils them for marriage, and also, they may be eternally damned,” she cautioned.
SO, in as little words possible... We are fucked, see you in hell!!!
Love, Peace, Twilight - Team Edwards Forever Bitches!!!!
READ THE REAL ARTICLE HERE
133 comments:
As the woman said in the movie When Harry Met Sally: "I'll have what she's having"
http://10.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kp9gd6d0761qa1xnko1_500.gif
LOL!!!!
That was me watching BD! LMAO
I manage to make a pic of the BTB's all over the world watching Breaking Dawn...
Let me know which one is YOU!!!
http://cdn.jockpost.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/oface.gif
There I am first row to the right - Second to the bottom! LOL
I'm the one on the 2nd row up from the bottom from left to right #3.
LMAO!!!
You are so hot!!!!
http://i52.tinypic.com/29vbiqc.gif
i'm #4 on bottom row... see how happy i am? LOL
orgasms take you to hell? we're screwed... thats all I'm saying
HOLY FUCK!!! There is this gif going around failbook, that was supposed to be Rob @ BEL AMI... it it isn't....
But who cares, it's hot and in my head it's Rob fucking Kristen Anyways!!! LOL!!!
HOLY FUCK!!! There is this gif going around failbook, that was supposed to be Rob @ BEL AMI... it it isn't....
But who cares, it's hot and in my head it's Rob fucking Kristen Anyways!!! LOL!!!
http://uppix.net/9/5/e/8336bef48a9b0e1ffb4ab963ef874.gif
ROFLMFAO! I was laughing so hard I swear to GOD that I felt a lung moving up my throat!!!!
http://gifs.gifbin.com/1238512613_guy-humping-a-tree.gif
ME~....
HOT MOMMA!
http://gifs.gifbin.com/1237205020_StopHumping.gif
My clit just got hard.
You like my dance?!
*wiggles eyebrows*
lemme shake it for ya baby
http://i52.tinypic.com/29vbiqc.gif
http://static.fjcdn.com/gifs/THE+HORROR.+WHY_5fa951_3060784.gif
THE HORROR!!!
ahhahhhaaaaa!!! wooo weeee!!
GOD I CAN'T WAIT!!
damn!! that turns me on!!
so did mine!!
LMAO!!!!!
I always thought they to heaven LOL
I can't see it fucking disqus!!
*dying of laughter* that is priceless!
I'm the one in number 2# LOL
I'm number 2# LMAO!
wooo he's hot!
LMFAO!!!
*dying of laughter* i can't see the keys!! hahhaha hahahahahahaa!!!
Wiggle,wiggle, wiggle, yeah
I'm sexy and I know it
I can't believe that's a real article. I'm going to hell then
SEE YOU THERE!!!
I'll be passing on the drinks! LOL
LOL!!!!!!!!
♪♫ I work out♪♫♪
LOL!!!
Hey Stupid! Look below!
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/images/ency/fullsize/8940.jpg
http://www.ubykotex.com.au/assets/0000/0001/vagina-illustration.jpg
Not related...
No wonder she's never had an orgasm! WTF
a bit skinny!!
Um... Is Patricia Harris related to the infamous DeeDee by chance??? Because I am more than sure that neither one has ever had an orgasm, even if Edward but down on their clit with venom to bring it to life!!! LOL!
I am sure that she also thinks that any man who looks at her like she is something to eat will get her pregnant instantly.... BAM!!! LMAO!!!
You'll be in good company in hell... I will be the one passing out the vibrators at the door!!! ;-)
Fuck me with a Rob and Kristen porno video! Unnnnnnnnnnnnnfffffffffffffffff!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you just say that we are screwed??? YAY for all of us!!!! LOL!
ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LMFAO!!!!!!!!! FLOVE IT!!!!
(Top to Bottom) I the one in row #5 (Left to Right) in column #4...
P.S. What is up with the "chick" in row #1 in column #3... I see an Adam's apple!!!
when a man leaves his seat on the bus, she probably waits it cool down, cause you know that seating on a hot bench when a man just left can get you pregnant and... ruin you for marriage!
holy cow! it does look like Rob fucking Kristen!!! HOOOOOOOOT
LOL!
if you know what i mean... (with mr. bean voice and face)
YAY! *rases glass* to early to drink? who cares? we're going to hell anyway!
me too! well guess we're little devils...
LMFAO!!! that kitty's face is priceless! O.0
It is 5 oclock somewhere. So who the fuck cares if you start drinking now
I'm all of them at some point when watching anything ROB fucks!
****dances while going to hell****
http://avatarfarm.com/avatarimages/animatedimages/devildancingavatar.gif
oh my god!!! what the hell is that?!
okay I am going to ask a dumb question who Patricia Harris
LMAO!!
hahahhahaaa
lmao it is the devil! Satan!
Maybe I should use this one! It is all our Pussies dancing in hell!
http://files.myopera.com/JanetB/albums/4437182/PARTY%20KATS%20DANCE.gif
*in(played by Glida Radner) Emilys voice* "never mind" xD
IKR?! this woman is missin out! LOL!!
me too scoot over....
oh cool! xD
I'll have a "beer" chaser"
GOD I love this GIF!
*GASPS* HOLY SHIT!! xD
*cheers* woooooo hooooo yeah baby!!!
*raises glass too* heres to us BTB's!
IKR?! hahahhahaaa!
yeah I guess we are LOL! but ohhhooooo it FEELS so good ;)
LMFAO!!
;)
oh yeah I can see!
this is myfavorite GIF it is hilarious!
yeah he is but he so well "hunged" LOL!!
*sings** if ya want my body and ya think I'm sexy come on sugar let me know*
um mine did and squirted!
Right?!?! Jesus!!! I love this porn!!! lol
I KNOW!!!!!!!
It looks so much like them!!!! I can recognize thrusting Rob ANYWHERE!!!! lol
BAM!!! LOL!!!!!! She's a stupid fuck!
LOL!!!!!!!
LMFAO!!!!
Wow how long have you been at it! lol all sweaty and all!
and yes indeed thats a big ass adams apple! lol!!!!
you like! lol
I can't stop looking at it!!! LOL Fucking hilarious!!!1
Really? Someone wasted a newspaper article about having Edward-induced orgasms....why didn't they just ask us?
Oh hell, I got to get on my desktop tonight....my TwiPad doesn't show any clip!
it is them!!! don't tell me otherwise because I'll die believing someone taped robsten having sex!
That man is so fucking sexy. I wish I was that tree. -_*
Oh, this is hot. He does look like Rob... his feet, and the way he moves... and he does say there is a lot of his crack in this movie. That could maybe be one the prostitutes that he fucks?! Mmmmmmm! Looks good no matter who it is. ;-)
Patricia Harris, you are a fucking idiot and I feel sorry for you! You need to get fucking laid, by some man that knows what he is doing, and he will make you cum, and THEN you WILL see Heaven, and you will shut your stupid fucking mouth.
Our clit is near our small intestine??? Yup, it's also near our asshole!!!! How do you like them apples?
Melodramatic orgasm???? What the fuck is that? And, we didn't orgasm at the end of the movie, we had our orgasm during the fucking scenes, and again when we got home and logged on to BTBs Uncensored, and again, and again, and again, and again.......
IKR! How is she attempting to pleasure herself, or is her boyfriend/husband a complete idiot as well....
"Babe, they tell me the belly button is the pleasure hole.... just keep still while I fuck it."
No fucking way! We are twins!! No, I'm actually a brunette, you look like you have Ginger colored hair, no?
Random question about Bella's transformation in BD....
When she is "healing," her rib cage mends itself and rises back up.... Is that supposed to indicate that Edward crushed her while trying to keep her heart beating? I don't recall that in the book, and I don't like it.
Thoughts????
Yeah, it was weird! Maybe she got some breast implants! LOL
Don't understand what they were trying to tell us with that!
LOL! I picked that one because I liked the "smilegasm"... actually my hair is light brown, but why did you think I have ginger hair?????
2012/2/3 Disqus <>
You know you're quick to shoot when you get off in the length of a GIF!!! lol But damn that was hot!!
Row 2, Square 1!!!! Bam!!! ♥
LMFAO!!!!!
i just wanna try one thing... be very still... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh
loved it!
It looks like the girl in that pic has dark red hair. Ginger is a British term for red-head, isn't it? :-)
I picked that girl, because she comes closest to resembling a younger version of me (I'm 36).
LMFAO SO TRUE!!!
LOL DAMN YOU.STEPHENIE MEYER!!!!!
Ok..finally got to see the gif...WOW! It could be from BA. The ladies from Belgium who saw the movie said he's fucking and showing his ass in the first 5 minutes (I'm so gonna love this movie)..But a Robsten porn video would be even better!!!
I thought it was the crushed chest while forcing his venom through her body too...
Are those his missing sexpender pants?
WHAT???? We get to see Rob fucking and his ass in the air??? WOHOOO!!!!
I WANT THE MOVIE NOW!!!!!
Personally, I think it's Robsten after one of Kristen's photo shoots...she's still wearing her over-the-knee stockings and Rob's cock just can't wait to get home so they found a place in the photographers' studio....
Oh yeah....this movie is full of fucking...there's an orgy scene too! CAN'T WAIT FOR IT TO CUM TO THE US!
OK, here comes my tirade of problems I have with Edwards character in the movie version:
-He DOES NOT GET HIS ASS KICKED: by the Volturi (only Jane makes him feel pain), or need to be saved by blood from Bella's arm (it's only a gasp that diverts their attention)... why do they make him out to be such a wimp?
-He NEVER HURTS or PUTS BELLA'S LIFE IN DANGER (purposefully): He does not crush her chest, he does not climb trees with her (spider monkey is the stupidest part in the series), he would not waterfall dive with her (tho I loved that bit),
-And last but not least....CARLISLE DOES NOT HAVE TO TELL ED TO STOP SUCKING HER BLOOD IN THE BALET STUDIO! HE STOPS WITH HIS OWN WILL POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
UUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! IT MAKES ME SOOOOO MAD!!!!!
Lol "Don't move…"
There's something to be said for quick -n-dirty...so long as it's with Rob.
LMAO!!! LOVE IT!
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