We've gotten press releases from both Kristen Stewart AND Rupert Sanders about the fallout from Twi-Gate (has anyone called it Twi-Gate yet? Because we're calling it that). But what of the aggrieved Robert Pattinson? Thankfully, GQ got an exclusive first look at R-Pattz's forthcoming public statement on the matter.
What's that? Kristen cheated on me? Seriously? Oh man. Oh God. Oh man. Oh God oh man oh God oh man. I feel so...
[squints really hard to simulate crying]
She seemed so happy, you know? Except for when she was pouting and refusing to talk, which I guess she did a lot. Was it something I did? I just wanna...
[bites bottom lip to simulate anger]
I feel so... What's that feeling where someone is loyal to you and then they're suddenly not loyal? I feel unloyaled to.
[stares wistfully into camera with mouth partially open]
I can't take this right now.
[stares down at the floor at an angle to simulate deep thought]
I remember when we first met, you know? And I was like, "Hi, I'm Rob." And she was like, "Ummm." And I was like, "Yeah." And she was like, "Ummm." And then I was like, "Ummm." And she was like, "Yeah." You don't make that kind of connection with someone every day, you know? So for her to go out and cheat on me with Walt Disney... I don't know how to react to that other than...
THESE PIX MAKE ME WANT TO HURL! FEELS LIKE I JUST WALKED IN ON MY RENTS FUCKING LIKE MONKEYS.
THIS IS THE PROOF WE HOPED DID NOT EXIST.
HOW STUPID CAN ONE PERSON BE? WE NOW KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION.
I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BAD MOUTH KRISTEN, I/WE HAVE ALWAYS DEFENDED HER AND NOW THIS. I HAVE ZERO SYMPATHY FOR KRISTEN. SHE MADE HER BED NOW SHE HAS TO LIE IN IT AND SEEMS SHE HAS OPTIONS OF WHAT BED TO LIE IN.
I REVOKE MY KRISBIAN MEMBERSHIP.
ANYONE RECOGNIZE THE HAT KRISTEN IS WEARING IN THE PIX?
LET'S JUST HOPE THAT ROB IS COPING WITH ALL THIS BULLSHIT IN A HEALTHY WAY.
IS THERE STILL ANY DOUBT KRISTEN DIDN'T DO THIS?
PINKLADY, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR PIX. EVEN IF THEY ARE HEARTBREAKING.