AND IN SOME REAL NEWS....

Seizures Suffered by Twilight Fans Were Actually Orgasms! 

(well doh! We've known this the whole time)

...And we are going to HELL!

From source:

Breaking Dawn, the latest installment in the Twilight vampire saga, is reportedly causing alarming blackouts and seizures in movie-going fans. Doctors first attributed the reaction to the flashing white lights pulsing throughout the birth scene, where Bella gives life to Edward’s undead baby.  However clearer heads prevailed when Christian leaders in the community explained that the quivering, unconscious teens were clearly victims of melodrama induced orgasms.

Epilepsy Has Never Been So Sexy

“I have never had an actual orgasm before,” confides Patricia Harris of Eternal Flame Ministries in Forks, WA. “But I know that they only happen when you are engaging in sinful, forbidden activities. Those kids let the devil in when they joined Team Edward.”

....Harris explains that the heartstrings of young female fans are often tethered directly to the clitoris, which she believes is near the small intestine (WTF?!?!?!). “When Edward has to bite through his daughter’s umbilical cord, only to have Bella die as werewolves attack the house, it is the undeniable climax of the movie. Fans respond to that with their own climax. It spoils them for marriage, and also, they may be eternally damned,” she cautioned.

SO, in as little words possible... We are fucked, see you in hell!!!

Love, Peace, Twilight - Team Edwards Forever Bitches!!!! 

READ THE REAL ARTICLE HERE