NOTHING.Holy Shit!!!
Have you tried the "Fifty Shades Generator"?
What's that? you ask!
Well, here is a little preview!
Fifty Shades
Generator
“Now, I've seen more helmets than Hitler, but the sight of his one-eyed milkman made my vertical moisture salivate like a hungry pig at a trough. When he removed his love muscle from my brown eye, he was pleasantly surprised to see a colon cobra staring back as him. He knew I couldn't wait to devour the Mr. Hanky off his balony pony. By now, my meat purse was leaching like there was a midget inside me with a super soaker. The feeling of his Da Vinci load salivating down my throat got my tuna tunnel tears flowing quicker than a greased weasel shit. My vaginal bacon buffet was trembling like a tasered slab of chopped liver.”
Generator
“Now, I've seen more helmets than Hitler, but the sight of his one-eyed milkman made my vertical moisture salivate like a hungry pig at a trough. When he removed his love muscle from my brown eye, he was pleasantly surprised to see a colon cobra staring back as him. He knew I couldn't wait to devour the Mr. Hanky off his balony pony. By now, my meat purse was leaching like there was a midget inside me with a super soaker. The feeling of his Da Vinci load salivating down my throat got my tuna tunnel tears flowing quicker than a greased weasel shit. My vaginal bacon buffet was trembling like a tasered slab of chopped liver.”
You just click and it randomly chooses a paragraph for you!
I fucking love it!!!! LOL
Here is another one:
Just when you think it can't get any worse,
IT DOES!!!
TRY IT HERE
(you know you can't resist clicking my links! LOL)
Omfg hilarious! This is what I got! Figures it would be about swallowing!
ReplyDelete“Inserting a footlong fudge bullet into my cod cave got me spritzing shrimp sap faster than a greased weasel shit. The feeling of his steamin' semen frothing down my throat got my pussy batter flowing quicker than snot off a whip. Within no time, I could feel the shitty steamin' semen foaming from my fart valve and all over my velcro triangle. The slamming of my brown mile was so vigorous, he soon found his salty protein grapes joining his blind butler deep in my marmite motorway. I can't wait to devour the man fat from his master of ceremonies.
OMFG...that shit is motherfuckin' funny!!!!! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. This is one of many reasons I love it here. I have had a shit day at work and when I get home and log on here, what do I find...some crazy shit that makes me laugh my ass off.
ReplyDelete"I can't wait to chow down on the steamin' semen from his
spam javelin. Within no time, I could feel the shitty love piss flowing from my
soft tight anus and all over my fishy flaps. My Quimcy, M.E. was trembling like
jelly. Inserting a cucumber into my pink velvet sausage wallet got me gushing
flange custard faster than greased shit off a shiny shovel. There was cock snot
slobbering from his one-eyed milkman and I was wetter than a spastic's chin. We
were ready for more."
LMFAO!!! Seriously...this shit is funny!
ReplyDeleteOMG!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteLIKE I SAID! It keeps getting worse!!!! LOL!!!!
LMFAO!!!!! OH GOD! I cant!LOL
ReplyDeleteHere is another one cause I can't fucking stop!
ReplyDelete“It was bliss having his piss pipe slid inside me again; stuffing my hairy spunk dungeon with a 15" spiked vibrator just didn't get my shamevelope flowing like it used to. He blasted a giant butt nugget on my top bollocks just so he could lap it up like a bulldog eating porridge. Within no time, I could feel the shitty baby gravy sliming from my turd cutter and all over my vertical smile. After having my cock holster fucked, he then proceeded to thrust my poop chute. The seemingly never-ending streams of cock snot emanating from his love lollipop soon had me coated like a plasterer's radio.
EEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteSo wrong!!!! BUT SO FUNNY!!!!!!
IKR??? Gross but hilarious!
ReplyDeleteBATLMFAO *bends over and hurls*
ReplyDeleteShitty baby gravy? *vomit* lmao!
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard to laugh and vomit!!!! I'm doing it right now!!! *hurls*
ReplyDeleteI know!!!!!!!!!!! BAHAHAHAHAHA
ReplyDeleteLOL!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteBATL!!! Your BTB is here let me hold you hair and console you!
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8lpluiczR1rc1o0wo1_500.gif
LMAO! Cuz everyone loves having a dirty ass vroom rubbed up and down your body as you spew barf everywhere....lol
ReplyDeleteCommin' outcha nose!
ReplyDeleteLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteAutocorrect attacks again!!!!
And the broom is the new hug! LOL
That's a bristley fucking hug. Lol
ReplyDeleteJaysus... It's so wrong... Kinda like a car crash... Can't look away.
ReplyDeleteDid you check put that twitter @fiftyshadesofshit? ...'Christian was an expert in the Heptathlon but his favourite events were the Hymen Hurdle, Jism jump, Spam Javelin and the Cock Snot Put'
Love it!!
GAH!!! I am not having sex anymore!
ReplyDeletetry
ReplyDeletehttps://twitter.com/50ShedsofGrey
"I was so proud of my ability to give her multiple orgasms every time we did it in the garden - until she told me she had hayfever."
'You're making me so hot,' she breathed. 'I know,' I said, 'Maybe the shed wasn't the best place for a barbecue.'
is it even sex? is it not now called something like: humpty dumpty time, or horizontal dry-walling, or presssure washing the drains???
ReplyDeletehttp://us9.memecdn.com/Badgoodexcellent-goose_o_36481.jpg
Lol...wtf?!?!
ReplyDeleteI love pink velvet sausage wallet, cock snot (cause that's just disgusting), spunk dungeon, cock holster, and love lollipop! Actually they're all pretty damn funny. I'm gonna talk to my hubby like just to see his face... ;)
Hahaha, okay hubby was just leaving for work so I kissed him goodbye and followed it with, "Hey, do you wanna stick your love lollipop in my spunk dungeon and let go of some cock snot later tonight?" (this is when I wish I would filmed his reaction) I know he was a bit confused, but apparently trusts me enough to say,"Uh, sure..." So I yelled, "Right on!" He's gone now, but I know once those words sink in, he's gonna crack up like I did!!! :)
ReplyDeleteLol..."dirty ass vroom"! Kirks it teal, woman!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteThat one actually made my stomach turn, cause I associated it with food, not durty sex :-( lol
ReplyDeleteLMAO...I think I love this!!! :)
ReplyDelete"Steamin Semen", lol, I just picture it landing on my belly and actual steam rising up from it! Then me yelling, "Get it off, it's hot! It's hot!" a few seconds later.
ReplyDeleteLol, I know I'm gonna giggle a lot more than I used! :)
ReplyDeleteHahaha, and I can't stop reading these!!
ReplyDeleteJism Jump...hahahaha (I always wondered how the spell that)
ReplyDelete“With my hairy goblet now much like Pete Burns' lips, he thought it was time to start ramming my cocoa channel. Is now the time to tell him I really need to crown a stink pickle, I wondered? Inserting a squash into my moose knuckle got me gushing fallopian fish stock faster than a greased weasel shit. My throat was so full of skeleton king and steamin' semen, the ectoplasm was foaming down my chin and onto my cans. When he removed his one-eyed monster from my brown eye, he was pleasantly surprised to see a butt nugget staring back as him. He knew I couldn't wait to gobble the colon cobra off his purple beaver buster. Now, I've seen more helmets than Hitler, but the sight of his blood-engorged mayonnaise cannon made my pussy batter drain like a broken fridge freezer."
ReplyDelete:) Gag!! Lol
*head over the toilet*
ReplyDeleteGross!! But LOL!
Fart valve??? Ahahahahaha!!
ReplyDeleteIt pisses me off! Lol. It's like nobody writes vroom that often so why is my fucking phone suggesting it!
ReplyDeleteYeah I gagged after laughing!,
ReplyDeleteLol...I'm using an iPod and I think it's worse, pulling words from like the 18th century! No kidding, why would vroom seem like the mote obvious word that broom? :)
ReplyDeleteGah! This is why I have "Edited by Author" all the time, because I didn't notice I allowed MOTE instead of MORE go through. These letters are too small too, I hit like three of them at a time!
ReplyDeleteBahaha! 18th century!
ReplyDeleteHahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is some funny shit!
ReplyDeleteOk...seriously cannot stop laughing at what you told your hubby! You'll have to let us know what he said once the words sank in.
ReplyDeleteGirls?! I need ur help. Awhile back one of u (I think) posted a clip of Micheal Fassbender and his schlong on here. Where can I find it? Help agirl out!!
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of a book that got published and it was fucking bad! Cock snot! ?HAHAHAHA!
ReplyDeleteOhmygod! Is it wrong that I'm hungry, turned on and vomiting simultaneously? hahahaha!
ReplyDeletelmao I didn't even see that!
ReplyDeleteThis one/!?!?!
ReplyDeletehttp://tmblr.co/ZzSKbwEcLsyq
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m22lbv75zf1roxif7o1_500.gif
ReplyDeleteMore clear
ReplyDeletehttp://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5y6jpUx2B1r8lhlpo2_500.gif
LOL a true BTB!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you girls I knew icould count on u
ReplyDeleteHe texted me later with LMAO and l0ved the "lollipop" part, then wanted to know what spunk was. So I shared my worldly terminology. He replied back with LMAO again and the rest is too dirty for me to post! :) I love playing with him!!!
ReplyDeleteIt was HARD not to laugh while saying it, but I did smile widely after when he narrowed his, looked stunned and said, "What?!" lol
ReplyDeleteLololol...no!!! :)
ReplyDeleteMy pleasure honey buns!
ReplyDeleteFB, where you is? I think we need to signal her with the cocklight! She is not humping my leg, that's for sure!
ReplyDeleteOmg did you see the Swingers Shed! Love it!!
ReplyDeleteHey I finally read that book 'Bared to You' which is supposed to be just like /as good as Fifty Shades. Let's me save you all $13 and three hours of your life cause it's totally not. It's cheesy and sleazy and when picturing the main character (who's name is GIDEON -that's the first clue on this books tragic-ness) the image in my head was Mr Big from Sex and the City! Don't go there BTBs. CHRISTIAN GREY FTW!
ReplyDeleteMine is not that sexy. WAH!
ReplyDelete"The unrelenting orgasms
from his greasy kebab skewer pounding my gashtray made me come so hard,
I began sweating like a fat slag in a disco. The hammering makes me
ejects my pussy batter all over his cumtree. He munched on my lunchmeat,
even though I'd had Aunt Flo visiting for the best part of a week.
Inserting a number of chillies into my cum dumpster got me flowing
shrimp sap faster than snot off a whip. I can't wait to devour the
steamin' semen from his love muscle."
That avi fits me pefectly over the past week. Fuck you allergies!
ReplyDeleteDING! DONG! Someone's home.
ReplyDeleteF.U.C.K.
PMSL.......
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